This week our professor posted a link to a blog of a mother with a gender non-conforming son and it really got me thinking. But, first things first, what does it mean to be gender non-conforming? In simple terms, you could say a gender non-conformist is one who does not prescribe to the typical gender roles, activities, and appearances of their gender. For example, this boy whom I mentioned above has longer hair, enjoys wearing Juicy Couture boots, skirts, and watching shows on The Food Network or HGTV. Now a gender-conforming boy might instead wearing jeans, tennis shoes, watch cartoons, and keep his hair short.
I honestly think its smart and cool that this boy's mom supports his decision to wear what he wants and express himself how he feels he should, regardless of whether its typical. Take out the aspect of gender for a minute and think about what he support communicates to her son. By supporting these self expressions, his mom is sending messages of acceptance, understanding, and love. All of these messages are so important to a child, especially as they come to an age where society and their peers will begin to pressure them and scrutinize them more heavily. I think one of these greatest things a parent can do is show unconditional love and respect to their children.
Now back to gender; some might worry that by allowing her son to act this way she is setting him up to be different from his peers, made fun of, or that this expression may have an impact on his gender identity. While I don't have any scientific background to back up my opinion on this, I will say that I think regardless of her support or not her child is already different. (And personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Through differences we can learn and grow more as an individual and society.) He already had these thoughts about his expression, and maybe identity, and by not forcing him to suppress them, his mom gave him the strength to show the world who he really is and maybe give him the strength to stand up for himself in other aspects of life. I definitely agree with this mom's way of handling and supporting her son.
Thanks, Danielle! Great blog! I love when parents allow their children to express themselves and their individuality. I do realize that peers can be cruel sometimes, and gosh, doesn't that say a lot about how their parents taught them to treat others?! This is a little different from what we're discussing here, with gender, but I was just talking with my daughter this past week about how I let her dress herself when she was little. She has always been an individual, and she has rarely done things because everyone else does. And when she dressed herself, things didn't always match, but it's what she wanted to wear. I figured I'd pick my battles, and that wasn't one that I wanted to fight. I was judged by a friend of mine for the way "I dressed Courtney." I told her that I didn't dress her, she dressed herself. I looked at this woman's three daughters and saw them all in matching outfits with bows in their hair and cute socks to match, etc. I thought, "How boring and conventional is that?!" :-) I like that I encouraged my daughters to be their own people. And, again, I know kids (and parents!) can be cruel, but ultimately, what difference does it make what people think/say?
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